I’m actually an anti-narcissism channel

This is a script from a video that’s going up. I didn’t totally follow the script in the video so here’s my original thoughts:

Hey everybody, so I wanted to make a video celebrating 3 thousand followers, but then TikTok was all like HOW DARE YOU USE A PURPLE VEGGIE EMOJI! And that kinda soured things that day, and then shortly after that I spent a bit too much time editing a few videos back to back and I was very hyper focused and ened up straining something super bad in my back so for a a few days I wasn’t uploading much because I couldn’t sit in a chair for more than a few minutes.

But now, after the painful care of a very gifted massage therapist, and some rest I seem to be back up to fighting shape. Which for me is still not a great shape, but it is a shape nonetheless!

So I want to take this time to thank everyone who has been following me on TikTok. I also want to thank the 84 people who have subscribed on YouTube… I’m not sure why YouTube hates me so much. If anyone of my followers has found success on YouTube and wants to give me pointers feel free.

Anyway, thank you for watching my content, especially those of you who watch the videos to the end, who repost and who comment. Those three things, in that order, at least according to various confident women who make videos I end up watching suggest that they’re the big things that TikTok looks for when deciding if it’s going to keep pushing a video of if it’s going to let it wilt on the vine.

Yeah, I’m not sure how many of you know this, but building a TikTok platform is kinda a team sport. I know it’s not always presented in that way, but it is. I guess I could take all the oodles of money I don’t have and pay TikTok to just shove me in front of more and more people. But barring that, I’m responsible for writing scripts, researching… though I’ll be honest, if you’ve been coming to my channel… page? Whatever if you’ve been coming here for long you’re probably aware that I try and make insightful content, but I’m generally focused on one idea for most of my videos.

Why? Retention rate. I have noticed that over time, I am slowly collecting a significant contingent of followers who really give a damn about what I have to say. And so I’m starting to be able to make videos that are longer that becuase you guys watch, TikTok pushes out more and I get more followers. Which is really cool.

So if you’re part of the, actually finish the video squad, you’re literally my favourite people on this platform. Aside from Steve Boots… like he’s on here… and I do like him more than you… sorry.

Actually, that leads me into talking about how I research for my videos. By which I mean… I don’t always. At least not intentionally.

I actually had a commenter a whilte ago suggest that she thought that I was secretly Steve Boots. Which was both super funny, and really flattering. To be clear, when it comes to political knowledge, Steve is a giant, and I am only a smidge taller than Pittite Pierre.

I was actually at lunch wtih a friend today, she’s very excited about me doing these videos and gaining a following. But she remarked, “I didn’t even know you were this much of a political person.”

And the thing is I’m not. I don’t think anyone likes the term influencer. Though realistically influence is what I’m trying to do. Most of the time people say that you should pick your niche as something you love. And if I was going to do that, I’d be doing consumer tech stuff. If we had UBI and I didn’t actually have to work a forty hour week normally, I’d probably be an author writing novels. Which is ironic because I don’t read fiction nearly as much as an author probably should. But I love to write and maybe one of these days I’ll get around to actually publishing at least one novel that I’ve completely finished. Because it’s just sitting there.

So I don’t want to come off as one of those precious people who’s like, well I don’t see myself as a rich white woman, who doesn’t have to work because I married rich, I see myself as an artist with patron who I fuck for rent. I wanna be sober about it. And if you see me as a hatching political influencer, cool, sure, you’re probably not wrong.

But I’m very much coming at this from an anti-narcissism perspective.

Whooo don’t I sound special?

So this videos already probably long enough that most people have dropped off. I don’t know that I wanna do like a full fledged story time sort of thing. But a little over 10 years ago, my life got flipped upside down, by a really terrible person woh did some really terrible things to people I cared about. Still care about. After the dust settled honestly a lot of people just walked away, as one does after a metaphoral bomb goes off for six months.

I should probably just tell you the story but there’s a lot of identifying information. And at least for now I really want to avoid identifying myself. Not because I’m famous or a super important person. You’re not gonna find out that I’m secretly JD Vance, or the guy who works for the Washington Post’s social media who looks like JD Vance.

But, anyway. Things happened, and I got a crash course in recognizing sevre, malignant narcissistic abuse. Basically, I kinda ended up between a serial predator clergy, and some immigrant guys he was fixated on. That’s the really short version.

That experience broke me. And like please don’t reply with you’re not broken you’re awesome. Like I’ve been spending a decade putting myself back together. And like yeah I’m shockingly resilient. But in the moment, I have no real frame of reference for just how absolutely cruel, vindictive and calous the human mind could be. I also have no frame of reference for how irresponsible people in power could be.

I remember speaking with a retired cop the denomination had brought in to investigate the complaint I’d filed. And the guy asked me, how are you doing? And I cheerfully answered, “Well, I recently scored a 96 on the Burns Depression Checklist.” Which I’d told a few people already, always with a smile, but nobody knew what that meant. He turned to me though and said, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but how are you not dead?”

I then went and sobbed in a bathroom stall for about half an hour.

Again that was 10 years ago, and I’m sorry you’re not going to get the full story today. Maybe ever. After six months and a whole lot of false endings, eventually things ended in as satsifying of manner as could be without anyone six feet under.

But yeah that was about two years before Trump’s first term. Trump’s first term was weird for me, because I felt like I was watching a thing that most people didn’t understand.

Becuase with a narcissist, especially a malignant one, calling them human is not always accurate. Like genetically, you would call that a human. In terms of most organs, human. A narcisist’s kidney can go into a non narc’s body and it can survive sorta thing. I’m not a doctor that statement probably is way too simplistic.

But in terms of how a narcissist’s mind works, there are differences, that non-narcissists, and especially people who are above average when it comes to empathy, are not comfortable with acknowledging.

It’s like how at Bible Camp, nobody is allowed to acknowledge that Dylan is gay, no matter how many times he shows you his my little pony collection. We just don’t talk about it!

And, I feel like when I was younger, there was this understanding that all politicians lie. Partly because a very large number of politicians are narcissists. In my opion, probably over half. If I’m honest I’d estimate 90% and that will tick off all the people who already stopped watching a while ago. The people who are still watching right now yeah you’ll probably be okay with it.

But like, if I think of American politicians? AOC, Bernie Sanders, Katie Holms, probably the other Squad Members. Are not narcs. But like, look at John Fetterman, he came in as a very left wing candidate and now he’s basically a republican because he got his bag. He’s out for one man, and that man wears shorts at inappropriate times!

And yeah, I could wrong, a lot of politicians are also quote unquote useful idiots. They’ve existed in a system for so long that they may feel empathy like a normal person, but they’re so entrenched in this ideology and culture they belong with, they simply actively avoid thinking about the consiquences of their actions.

So yeah, you can argue about that specifically with your back bench types. But definitely the majority of all politicians who are willing to get in front of a camera. 

Unfortunately at some point, and I don’t know exactly when it would have been, but we all became accustom to this idea that politicians should be perfect sterile men. Even once we started electing women, they also needed to be perfect sterile men. And I think especially once you add in news papers and TV cameras and now cameras everywhere, we’ve basically selected smart, generally moral, but imperfect people who have shame.

You either have people who care so much about ethics and justice that it’s their entire identity like AOC or Bernie, or you have absolute piles of human garbage like JD Vance who has no central defining trait other than, wants money and power, will achieve money and power, despite face.

If you notice I’ve mostly described American politicians. Yeah, the more that I’ve learned to see the world through a narcissism aware lens, the more I’ve had trouble looking away from the mess to the south.

Historically, Canadian politics have been more Canadian. Like don’t get me wrong, Harper was terrible, but I also really was not paying attention to much when he was in power outside of like his last year. And the body count that a Canadian PM can leave in their wake is typically much smaller than an American president’s.

And like, Andrew Scheer, yeah he annoyed me, but I also never thought he had that good of a chance of holding power.

With Pierre Personality Disorder, fun fact I don’t even think I could confidently say his last name if I tried, things are different. I don’t know how many of you actually see it. I know lots of people accuse him of being a mini Trump. But Pierre does not seem well to me. Like, when I watch or listen to him, I don’t have the stomach. 

If you look at someone like Trump, yeah he’s evil. He’s chaotic, and he’s 100% id. He has zero restraint, he’s a tornado in a badly fitting suit. And he’s dangerous, but he’s also intensely lazy. So he’s mostly having bad ideas or more often agreeing with bad ideas and then setting loose somebody else to execute. He’s also old, so I can hope he just kacks out one night.

With someone like Pierre, he’s young enough that if we make this mistake, we’re going to be stuck with him for a very long time. And thankfully it looks like the odds of that are now getting progressively lower. But Pierre is dangerous in a unique way. Trump, is fundementally not self aware. He may accept that he’s not like everyone else, but in his mind that just means he’s better and special, he would never guess that maybe something is wrong with him.

I once had a friend growing up who said that when he talked to people, he was playing a game of chess with them in his head. He’d think of what he could say to get the result he wanted. It never occurred to me that I don’t think ethics really factored into his game. We were quite close until I came out of the closet and he held a meeting in our church basement group to see if all my friends at youth group would shun me.

Pierre is definitely a narcissist, but I suspect on some level he probably knows what he is, and thinks that he is owed success, that success for him is available if he just manipulates people correctly. It’s not about public service, it’s not about right or wrong, it’s about getting the rabbit he’s been chasing after all his life. And I think if he ever catches that rabbit we’re screwed, because that kind of person can’t think about the collective good. They can think clean streets would be good, but then the solution is going to be rounding up homeless people. And then you’ve got the homeless rounded up, they’re expensive to house which isn’t in line with his goals, but furnaces are cheap.

He’s not even like Doug Ford who wants to be the centre of attention and is willing to spend as much public money as possible to do it. Like don’t get me wrong, Doug is also evil. He’s calous and narcissistic. But he pretends his enemies don’t matter and don’t exist. They can fend for themselves.

Pierre, is an attack dog. It is all he knows how to do. And you could argue that aiming an attack dog at someone like Trump would be good, but Trump has snacks. Trump also has in Pierre’s mind at least, more status than the Prime Minister of Canada could dream of having. Pierre would glady accept the position of Govenor of Canada if it meant that that he would then be considered an American born citizen and thus could some day beome president. Now I’m not saying that’s his current mental math.

But at least based on what I’ve observed, someone like Pierre doesn’t have an ethical core. Right or wrong doesn’t matter to them, they don’t even have legal and illegal, for them it’s what will I get caught and punished for, and what can I get away with.